“Honour your vote. Vote issues not wolokoso” is the latest slogan plastered everywhere. But what is wolokoso?
My nine-year-old niece thought it was one of the presidential candidates. Unreliable sources confirm that wolokoso means things that don’t make sense.
Eight candidates are competing for the post of President in the upcoming elections. They all claim to love this country more than their birthday. Allow me to express my opinion on why I would vote or not vote each
candidate.
Why I would vote for President Yoweri Museveni.
I would vote for him because he’s my OB. Who wouldn’t want to have a former schoolmate for president; a rapper at that?
Why I wouldn’t vote for Museveni
His speeches are mostly based on remembrance. We have remembered, remembered and remembered things that happened in 1986. Those who were born after must be wondering whether the events are based on true life stories or from Harry Porter scripts.
PPP President Jabel Bidandi Ssali
Why I would vote for Bidandi Ssali
Bidandi would get my vote because he’s my neighbour in Bukoto. I’m sure security would be beefed up in Nsimbiziwome, that’s if they don’t evict us for being a security threat.
Why I wouldn’t vote for Bidandi
The choice of a lantern as a party symbol brings back bad memories of poverty. It reminds me of the days when we didn’t have paraffin. Bobi Wine’s song Kataala makes it even worse.
Why I would vote Kizza Besigye
Besigye is a hunk. I would vote for him because we attended a wedding together. He reminds me of the legendary wrestler Hulk Horgan when he speaks.
Why I wouldn’t vote for Besigye
I envy his courage to dance but I don’t admire his dance strokes. He should get some training from bazungu expatriates. Their dance strokes entirely depend on the weather, not the music playing. I wonder why they are always in a hurry even when dancing to slow music.
Why I would vote Beti Kamya
Kamya is a beauty. It wouldn’t take her lots of time convincing donors to give us money. All they need is to take photos with her and keep them in their albums. That would save us from writing a bunch of proposals.
Why I wouldn’t vote Kamya
Her poster is like that of an inspirational speaker or an upcoming pastor. I don’t know why she chose a giraffe as her symbol. Ugandans have nothing to do with giraffes. It would make sense if they were edible.
Why I would vote Norbert Mao
I would vote Mao because he’s my friend on Facebook. Who wouldn’t want to poke or chat with the president directly without signing ten visitors’ books before reaching him?
Nobert Mao arrives nominaton with wife Naome
Why I wouldn’t vote Mao
I wouldn’t vote for Mao because of his wife. She’s so beautiful that she would steal all the attention from the president.
Why I would vote Abed Bwanika
I would vote Dr Bwanika because of his recent martial arts antics exhibited on his campaign trail when some security operatives tried to stop the man of God from campaigning.
Why I wouldn’t vote Bwanika
What will happen to his church if he deserts it for presidency? I only get to hear of him when it’s time for elections. Where does he spend the rest of the years after elections?
Why I would vote Sam Lubega
I would vote for Lubega, because I don’t know him, never heard of him, and I don’t know his plans for the nation.
Why I wouldn’t vote Lubega
I wouldn’t vote for him because I don’t know him, never heard of him, and I don’t know his plans for the nation.
Why I would vote Olara Otunnu
Otunnu is the first Acholi I’ve seen who talks in slow motion. He gives you an impression that he wouldn’t harm a fly.
Why I wouldn’t vote Otunnu
His attire is always undecided. It’s hard to tell whether it’s a shirt, a kanzu or a night gown
By Samuel Baguma